Pun-tacular!

Thought you might laugh!
The ability to Make and Understand Puns Is the Highest Level of
Language Development. Here are the ten first place winners in the
International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, “I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.”

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and
says 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my Electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm
positive.'

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office
and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved
off. 'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an
open foyer.'

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to Spain , they name him 'Juan'; the other went to a family in
Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal.'

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged
the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is
so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns
to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did.